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Dumage / fun

Don’t Play These Games!

A low-status game may be known to be terrible or perhaps it’s cutesy or it lets you disappear into another world. Whatever it is, this low-status game is enough to make your friends, your coworkers and your fellow gamers want to hit the reset button on knowing you. If anyone sees you dominating Madden, they’ll not only get you, they’ll respect you. Hell, they may even fear  of your skills. However, what if someone sees you playing one of those games that cause people to cringe, shudder and question our game choice? These are low-status games. This is my list of low-status games that you shouldn’t let others know you play. Or, just hide yourself well : )

# 10 Wii Fit

Sure, it’s a fun game on Nintendo’s Wii and it has been advertised as a great way to get some exercise, but… Seriously?  Lose hours playing Wii Fit and those who know you will run like hell – and not virtually either. You’re a man and you get your exercise with weight-lifting in a gym or beating the other team on the court. You risk losing your status by bragging in the locker room about how much body fat Wii Fit has told you you’ve lost.

Dont Play These Games!

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# 9 Cabela’s Dangerous Hunts 2

This is how you get your gun off? If you want to really hunt, grab your gun (or, even better, a bow) and head out into the woods. Chasing digitized deer in the virtual woods is lame and you deserve the raised eyebrows you’re going to get for doing it – especially if you wear camouflage while playing this low-status video game.

Dont Play These Games!

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# 8 Hasbro Family Game Night

Yes, when you were a kid you pulled up to the dining room table and played Battleship, Boggle and Connect Four. You were also still wetting the bed. Hasbro Family Night (and Family Game Night 2) are great video games for the family. See the word “family” in the title? But you don’t want to sit in front of the big screen playing with Mr. Potato Head on a Saturday night. Don’t risk your fellow gamers’ respect boasting about your achievements in Bop It against the Xbox 360.

Dont Play These Games!

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# 7 Tales of Vesperia

There’s not enough that can be said about how annoying this game is. It is a blend of extremely terrible voice acting, anime and Final Fantasy/Pokémon/Monster Rancher. Players run around gathering up a band of heroes and chasing creatures all while your character constantly says what they’re going to use next in battle. There’s some plot about ancient technology and imperial knight… blah, blah, blah… You get swag rights in killing the Covenant or blasting the undead hordes, but powering up your big-haired pointed-ear Akira-knockoff while fighting a praying mantis is lame. Tales of Vesperia is cool if you’re 8, weak if you’re 20 or 38.

Dont Play These Games!

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# 6 Rayman: Raving Rabbids

No arms, no legs and you still wonder why this game pulls your status down? Rayman was once considered a new and innovative hero, but that was, what, like 10 years ago? Now, no one knows what the hell he is (is it even a he?). Ubisoft’s Rayman: Raving Rabbids puts the titular hero against a race of giant, evil rabbits. So why does playing this cute game take your credits down? Because, once again, no arms and no legs and you’re fighting rabbits. These evil bunnies dress up like ninjas, pirates and French maids, and yell with red eyes when they attack. In today’s world of cyborg super-soldiers and ninja assassins, there’s no room for what little space freaky Rayman and his bunny enemies take up.

Dont Play These Games!

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# 5 Superhero movie games

This category includes, but isn’t limited to, such titles as Spider-Man 3, Iron Man, Fantastic Four, etc. Truth is that every guy wanted to be a superhero growing up. So when a video game comes out, of course it’s a great chance to slip on tights and save the day. However, when you spend hours playing the crap video games that are pumped out in time for summer blockbusters, you quickly lose gamer cred. Be a weak-ass superhero behind closed doors.

Dont Play These Games!

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# 4 Sims

Life is hard, yes it is. But is it really so hard that you need to hide in a make-believe version of the real world? You look extremely lame to your fellow gamers. You better not dare go into the office pumped up or saddened because your Sim has a problem. There’s no pride in your day being affected by how your virtual life is faring. Your friends and fellow gamers will realize you’re a huge loser as you play your “life-simulation computer game.” Want to build a family? Get off the damn game console and PC and go find a girl and have some kids. You’re losing status, man. There’s no practice for living life.

Dont Play These Games!

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# 3 Leisure Suit Larry

Wow, a game in which you get to sleep with fake women. Dating back to the late ’80s, Leisure Suit Larry lets you play as Larry Laffer, a balding, pudgy bachelor, in his 40s always on the electronic prowl for pixilated poonanny. Even he has low status. The game series has the player trying to get laid all the time, and you usually fail. So you want to spend time trying to have sex only to get rejected by a game? This game makes you a loser because you’re wasting time virtually wasting time trying to get some. Go out there and at least try to pick up women in real life.

Dont Play These Games!

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# 2 Pokémon

Any game with a Pokémon in it drags you far below the bottom of the barrel. You’re not an 8-year-old boy living in a world of anime animals. Keep your Poke-playing completely and absolutely to yourself. If your friends find out that you spent the weekend capturing yellow rabbit creatures that throw lightning and you did this willingly, you may have any Xbox Live and PS3 friendships revoked. Make damn sure you also get rid of your trading cards that you surely have hidden somewhere.

Dont Play These Games!

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# 1 World of Warcraft

If your biggest achievement of the day is that you’re a Level 20 Undead Warlock, you may want to keep this to yourself. While Warcraft and WoW are impressive games, losing yourself in an imaginary world of gold, Lich Kings and orcs will drop your status with a quickness. Like the Sims – you spend so much time trying to build up your make-believe rank that you lose your real-life status. Sure, the Blood Elves may quake with your name, but spending hours playing World of Warcraft is like putting a giant “L” on your forehead and a “Kick Me” sign on your back, gamer.

Dont Play These Games!

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  • Dust

    finally someone who has enough d**k to agree that sims suck omfg f**king hate that s**te…. i appreciateur oppinon ^^ cuz its a good one

  • Reader

    Now i wonder what kind of game you like

    Almost every games are fail if you connect it with real life

    You suggest not to play World of Warcraft because its too good? Or because you often find someone show off / bragging his in-game character? Do you like this game or not?

    How about any hunting games? Why don’t you just say “get out there, hunt a real deer” ? And i know a married person playing The Sims

  • BoTuLoX

    Let me guess. You’re a console fanboy who plays Call of Duty to death. Am I right?. If you don’t like the games, don’t play them, sure, but you can’t say nobody should play a game because it doesn’t suit YOUR taste. Or YOUR lifestyle/schedule. For example, WoW is a great game, it has a great PvP systems, PvE encounters have a very good design (most of the time), but hey, it’s true, it’s a fucking time sink. I don’t play it anymore because of that, I can’t dedicate my personal time to that game. So I play more casual games, like TF2 and L4D 2.

    Also, regarding Pokémon, yes, Pokémon story, characters and such are catered to a 10-year-old audience top. But you can’t say you don’t like the game by playing/beating the story. The true fun lies in multiplayer battles, against skilled opponents. There’s a lot of strategy around battling, predicting and such. Any pro poker player might hate me but tell me FACE-TO-FACE WITH PROOF that poker requires more prediction and skill than a Pokémon battle against a skilled player. There are differnet levels of play (tiers), different strategies, movesets, EV/IV’s combinations, roles, typings, etc.,… That’s just a shitload of things to learn in order to play decently. Even if you don’t think so, Pokémon battle mechanics are designed for a competitive level of play, which a kid just can’t even think about playing.

    Also, if your friends would delete you from XBOX live or the PS3 shit (or in my case, a PC gamer, Steam) because you played a game they don’t like, first of all, they’re dicks, second, how the fuck could you have added anyone that intolerant?. So, let’s use an actual example of the internets, the new meme, My little pony. A tv show targetted for 5-year-old girls, but there are a lot of male teenagers and adults who are fanboys of the show, calling themselves bronies and such. I’ve watched 3 episodes of the show to see what was the whole thing about. It’s (IMO) the same thing as pretty much any other cartoon on the TV, but with girly characters. Well, I didn’t like it. At all. So I should be hated by everyone because I watched the show to see if it was any good even if I disliked it?. Yes?. Cool story bro. Cool story.

  • yellowwindow0

    simply every movie based game is just bad i play spiderman games for the fun factor not because i liked the movies or comics of him or should i say fan of him but since i bought the ps3 i stop’t buying spiderman games because the gameplay of it now suck in general i stop’t buying movie based games since i bought my ps3.

  • u are an idiot

    LOL….your arguments are weak and funny…….if you do not like the game, someone else does…….and i have thought that you will list actual bad games…..

  • Dragon’s Eye

    OMG! Dude, get a LIFE!

    I’ve played most of the Pokemon games and constantly find some new strategies and methods of play every time I start it up again. What you seem to miss ( or is it more like “fail to grasp”? ) that just because you think such games stink and are “low-status” ( to use YOUR words ) doesn’t mean others think so!

    I must agree with about 99% of the other posters here: You ARE an opinionated IDIOT! It’s fine to have an opinion, but to use it to slam others in to the dirt with your venomous monologue of how “low-class” or whatever other insults you have for them just shows a complete lack of maturity and lack of respect for others’ choices and right of choice!

    Maybe what escapes you is the fact that some of these games DO have quite a bit of work behind them, and why they have such a following in the markets. Pokemon has been around for quite a number of years NOT ONLY because of the eight-to-ten year-olds, but also because of adults and all the in-between ages!

    The MAIN reason I enjoy Pokemon games is because of how well done the programming, and some of the interesting concepts that have been introduced and improved upon in the later versions. Even though these games were targeted towards the younger folks, they DO have the appeal because of a certain unpredictability, and how involved one can get in the development of his/her characters/team.

    I am actually studying some of the research, that some have taken, into the game mechanics so as to learn to write my own games. I appreciate what I have learned so far about stat-calculations, effects, evolutions of certain “species”, and some of the contests built right in.

    It’s pretty sad when someone, like yourself – the author of this piece-of-trash article, has nothing better to do than bash and trash what others choose to play. It is also just as unfortunate that you probably have nothing for a social life, because if we were all worried about “what others would think” about our choices in life; We would be NO BETTER OFF THAN YOU! Besides, any “friends” of mine who decide to judge me based on what games I play, are then NOT REAL FRIENDS at all!

    So, GROW THE HELL UP AND GO FIND YOURSELF A BETTER LIFE!

  • Dragon’s Eye

    Oh, and BTW,

    I LOVE the Final Fantasy series! So call me what names you wish! I don’t give a RAT’s _ _ _ , because words mean little to me, especially coming from some know-nothing, hyper-opinionated dweeb like you!

  • Smyshe69

    Well, I don’t play these games. My brother has a few superhero games, and even I have to admit they’re terrible. I agree with most of these, but dissagree with most of why you see them as bad.
    I used to play World of Warcraft, and I liked it at the time. I never got to the highest level, though. The game was good to play when wanting an easy going bore of a day. But. The whole “L” on your fourhead, and the whole “Kick me” sign thing is quite ironic. Several pornstars play World or warcraft, and many celebrities do, too. Celebrities such as Cameron Diaz and Vin diesel. Good luck trying to put a “kick me” sign on his back, let alone actually kicking him…

    A lot of successful people play World of warcraft. I have known many “popular” kids that party non stop that enjoy playing it, too.

    But in all honesty, the whole “Drop your status” part was laughable. Do you see what having high “status” is today? I’d rather be the kid with the kick me sign on their back rather than the person with “High status”. Lol.

  • Deathlady

    “don’t play wow” JAJAJAJ Nice joke dude, nice joke ;)

  • Matthew Elliott

    Wow, I came to this article expecting to see horrible games or ones that failed. Instead I see a list of what are mostly really great games. Maybe you should report on fashion instead, you might create a more believable article.

    • Matthew Elliott

      For the record the fact that you listed “Madden” as a good game tells me you know little to nothing about video games and should probably avoid the subject in the future. You ESPECIALLY should not voice your views on a number of these games to “Fellow gamers” as they are likely to beat you to a bloody pulp…

  • Aduabdsiub

    now we have just write about how minecraft and dorf fortress are sh*t because don’t have good graphics and this faggotry is complete

  • Trevor

    @BoTuLox

    well said!

  • Seiruy

    Keep you attitude to you only, i’m not playing games cause i care about the other ideas. Really sh**head you don’t know the word fun and classic.Only some of your writing is correct but most of is failed and it snapped me off. You look down on a game and from the word you said you also look down on a player. Keep your article in your ass and keep on maturing boy.

  • WilliamWizer

    I will limit myself to answer to the World of Warcraft stupid comment but I could do a similar thing to several others (I won’t say all of them since I haven’t played all and I dislike to lie)

    No. my biggest achievement of the day isn’t that I’m a level 20 undead warlock. it’s that I gathered a 25 man team of heroes and managed to defeat a monstrous opponent after trying to do it for more times than any of us cares to count.

    and yeah I do enjoy losing myself in a fantasy world with it’s own currency system (be it gold, diamonds or leafs if you wish) with fantasy creatures (be it lich kings, dragons, orcs, or any other evil creature fantasy can conceive) since it’s fun. you may not believe it but if I wanted a world of corruption, politics, lawyers and similar creatures I wouldn’t need a videogame. there’s already something called real life.

    when I play a videogame what I want is FANTASY. I want to inmerse myself into a world full of fantasy where things are so different than the real world that I can forget I have a mortgage, an ex-wife, a boss and god forgive me… a mother in law.

    seriously. there are games far far worse than those on that list.

  • Millie

    Lol, What is with this article?
    You don’t even understand that every person has his/her own personality, as well as his/her own likes and dislikes…
    Even so, you say bad things about people that play these games…
    You are just a rude,unmature and stupid person that sees himself above other people.
    And, about pokemon, it’s interesting. Especially the mystery dungeon series, it has a great and emotional story behind it.
    More about rpg games that I played: “Tales of” series are interesting, the same goes for aveyond, final fantasy, laxius power(and laxius force) and other games I forgot about…

  • Silly One

    You know what i find interesting? Not the fact that the dude is a retard–cuz he clearly is–but the fact that it’s important for all of you to let him know that.

    And sorry to be getting off topic, but aren’t video games in general fuckin awesome??!!!

  • Joe

    This blog came of as judgemental and arrogant; the tone of the piece certainly didn’t make me want to take your word for it…in fact because of the self righteous pace of this “article” it actually makes me want to go out and play all of those games just to spite you. You should treat your subject matter like an inside joke, if it’s that important you set yourself apart from others, instead of like a set of elite rules that only a few select gamers know…otherwise your “blog” is destined to be shat on for the duration of the internet.

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