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Dumage / fun

Cities For The Douchebags

Usually just a steady flow of alcohol, a plenty of morally loose women and a never-ending drone of loud and obnoxious music can make a douchebag happy. And, while you can certainly find alcohol, loose women and loud music all over the world, there are some spots in particular that are heavy on the hedonism. Luckily for you, we’ve done the dirty job for you, and find some real douchebag destinations. Unfortunately, they tend to be infested with men who practice the fine art of douching. Though we’re not exactly telling you to stay away from these pleasure domes, we do suggest proceeding with caution or at least packing the douchebag equivalent of garlic and a cross: a book. Here are our top douchebag destinations.

Reno, Nevada, USA

Reno is a decrepit getaway for thrifty douchebags in search of something, well, less expensive than Las Vegas. Think this is Vegas Lite? Think again. Can’t afford to stay at one of Vegas’ many luxe hotels? Why, Reno’s Econo Lodge would be happy to have you! Does the thought of spending a small fortune on lap dances at one of Vegas’ upscale gentleman clubs make you nauseous? Fear not! The Spice House will gladly take you and your bros in (if you don’t mind toothless strippers, of course). Basically, if you don’t have the cash flow to be a douchebag in Las Vegas, go to Reno, where all you need to be a douchebag is ten bucks, a toothbrush and, of course, a sunburn.

Cities For The Douchebags

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Cancun, Mexico

We now present some of Cancun’s most popular clubs: Dady’O, Coco Bongo, Dady Rock, Bulldog, Bling, and Señor Frog’s. These are the aptly named meat markets that attract over 25,000 spring-breaking Americans each year. They come for the wet T-shirt contests, foam parties, one-million-watt sound systems, and exotic jacuzzis. Or in other words, they come to be douchebags.

Cities For The Douchebags

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Monaco, France

Believe it or not, not all douchebags are beer-slugging, seashell necklace-wearing meatheads who can’t spell the word “salad.” In fact, some of the richest men on earth are douchebags, and with its world-famous Casinos de Monte-Carlo, mansion-heavy landscape and devotion to yacht culture, Monaco is where they go to unwind. You’ve been warned, penny pinchers.

Cities For The Douchebags

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Ibiza, Spain

Despite boasting 50 pristine white sand beaches that border azure waters, this Mediterranean island is far from Paradise. Maybe that’s because the last time we checked, Paradise wasn’t overrun by strung-out pill poppers looking for the next after-hours. This undisputed capital of partying attracts the kind of douchebag that makes the Jersey Shore kids look like Rhodes Scholars. Only difference is that most of them are European.

Cities For The Douchebags

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Prague, Chech Republic

It really is a shame that one of Europe’s most charming and beautiful cities – with its picturesque Romanesque architecture and spire-filled sky – is also destination for the sex-crazed douchebags. Having been labeled “the sex capital of Eastern Europe,” the Czech Republic’s largest city is the perfect destination for an unfulfilled pencil pusher looking to get his rocks off at the expense of a naive teenager trying to make next month’s rent. Home of the depraved fairy tale if ever there was one.

Cities For The Douchebags

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Mykonos, Greece

If you just started lifting weights and wearing sleeveless Ed Hardy tees, Mykonos might be for you. If you get drunk off three beers instead of 12, Mykonos might be for you. If you haven’t punched someone in the face but have stepped on many a toe, Mykonos might be for you. What we’re trying to say is, if you just started being a douchebag, then this Greek island – which is often considered Ibiza-lite – might be the perfect training ground until you’re ready for the big leagues, douchebag.

Cities For The Douchebags

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Macau, People’s Republic of China

To the educated traveler, Macau is a special administrative region of the People’s Republic of China that lies on the western side of the Pearl River Delta, borders Guangdong province to the north and faces the South China Sea to the east and south. Its odd mix of Chinese and Portuguese make it one of the most culturally unique places on earth, filled with churches, temples and fortresses that underlie its unique historical duplicity. For douchebags, it’s Vegas with way more Asian chicks.

Cities For The Douchebags

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Goa, India

India’s most popular seaside destination – with its 63 miles of Arabian Sea coastline, hidden ancient temples and lasting Portuguese influence – is the idyllic place for travelers in search of a little slice of paradise right here on earth. Unfortunately, Goa is also synonymous with the all-night, semi-illegal raves that consume its beaches and the drug-addled hippies and fist-pumping expats that attend them. Though the hippies are for the most part well-behaved, its the anything-goes mindset of the packs of drunken European douchebags that are of great concern. It’s a shame, too, because from what we hear, Goa’s take on vindaloo is on point!

Cities For The Douchebags

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Panama City, Florida, USA

Every March, this sleepy Florida city is awoken by thousands upon thousands of drunken, horny, spring-breaking teenagers looking to satisfy their most primal urges. Two things that tipped us off to Panama City’s inherent douchiness: A recent headline in a local newspaper that read “Burger King bikini brawler pleads ‘no contest’ – banned from chain” and a Facebook group called “I’m from Panama City Beach and I’m not a douchebag” that only has 15 members. ‘Nuff said.

Cities For The Douchebags

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Mallorca, Spain

There’s nothing to hate on during Mallorca’s off-season. It’s a breathtaking mountainous island, peppered with winding olive trees, quaint medieval villages and some of the must mouthwatering culinary experiences Spain has to offer. But come summer, the Spanish island is invaded by oblivious European millionaires, pompous vacationing movie stars and drunken Ibiza castaways looking for fresh meat.

Cities For The Douchebags

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